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Prince Harry's 40th birthday is coming up next month, but it seems increasingly unlikely that he will be celebrating it with his immediate family back in the UK. In recent years, Harry has distanced himself significantly from the royal family in Britain, choosing to live in California with his wife Meghan Markle and their two children. This has led many to question why Harry never seems to speak to his brother Prince William or meet members of Meghan's family. However, there may be one branch of his family that Harry is becoming closer to - Diana's side, the Spencers.
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Harry's relationship with his brother William has been speculated about for years. As children, they were said to have significant sibling rivalry, with Harry always feeling like he lived in William's shadow. According to Diana's former royal biographer Andrew Morton, this rivalry was evident from a very young age. Morton recalls Diana worrying that Harry felt inadequate compared to his high-achieving older brother. She noticed that Harry would pretend to be sick to get more alone time with his mother, perhaps feeling left out by William. Even when the princes first started school, Harry reacted jealously to Clay that William played with. While the brothers became closer after Diana's death, the seeds of their issues were seemingly sown from childhood.
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Now in adulthood, there appear to be further strains between Harry and his brother. Harry revealed in his biography "Spare" that he felt ignored by William when he started at Eton. More recently, the different paths Harry and William have taken in their lives and careers have drawn them apart physically and ideologically. William remains firmly committed to serving the monarchy, while it's clear Harry wants more freedom and independence. Their different wives have also been speculated about as a factor in any rumored tensions. With these ongoing relational complexities, it's understandable that Harry would choose not to spend major occasions like his 40th birthday with his immediate family.
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However, there is one side of his family that Harry seems much closer to - his mother Diana's. Diana's side of the family, the Spencers, played a key role in Harry's life even after her death. Morton notes how Harry would stay with the Spencers, including at his Uncle Charles Spencer's stately home Althrop Hall, for anniversaries of Diana's death. Harry is also said to remain close with his Spencer cousins to this day. When Prince Charles Spencer gave his famous and damning eulogy critiquing the royal family at Diana's funeral, he said the Spencers would look after the princes. This promise appears to still ring true for Harry decades later.
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The Spencers could offer Harry something the Windsors can't - a genuine sense of familial ties outside the constraints and expectations of the monarchy. When Harry stayed with the Spencers after attending his Uncle's funeral, he seemed at ease, surrounded by family who knew and loved his mother. As an expert on Diana, Morton believes the Spencers are making clear efforts to include Harry, remembering how important Diana's memory remains for him. Getting in touch with his maternal side may help fulfill Harry's desire to reconnect with his UK roots on his own terms. Given past tensions, Morton also believes the royal family could grow nervous about Harry leaning closer into the Spencers, recalling their past confrontations.
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As Harry seems increasingly estranged from the Windsors, the Spencers may emerge as an alternate family network for him. Throughout the struggles of his childhood and the challenges of royal life, Diana's memory and influence have always guided Harry. Continuing to connect with her side of the family helps keep that crucial part of himself rooted.
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As Harry moves forward on his own path separate from the monarchy's demands, relying on the support system of the Spencers makes sense. On momentous occasions like his upcoming birthday, it is them who will likely play the role family should - enabling Harry to honor his mother's legacy as he celebrates and continues to define his own terms of what family means.
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