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As I was casually scrolling through the news, browsing the usual political nonsense and celebrity hijinks, something suddenly caught my eye - a real bombshell dropped by none other than our lovable royals commentator Nigel Farndale. Boris Johnson, that fluffy haired scoundrel, has just released his new memoir "Unleashed" and let me tell you, it is living up to its name.
The book is spilling more secrets than a confessional on Sunday. But the real kicker is that Boris went on GB News and started talking smack about our least favorite royal couple - you guessed it, Meghan "too good for the monarchy" Markle and Prince "I just want to have my cake and eat it" Harry. Get this - Boris actually tried to talk some sense into Harry before Megan sunk her manicured claws in! I know, it sounds like the setup for a terrible joke but I swear on the queen it's true.
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Boris said, and I quote, "Prince Harry and Meghan, in my view, came to an event we did for female education and they were PR hungry and Meghan was particularly arrogant and unroyal." The man went in! And he's still going - sharing all the juicy behind-the-scenes details. But here's where it gets really wild. Boris, in a fit of pomposity (when is he not?), decided he was going to try and talk Harry out of leaving Britain. Can you imagine that conversation? Boris pleading with Harry not to give up his crumpets and tea, while Harry tries to explain that Megan says they "need freedom."
Unfortunately for Boris, it didn't work. As he rather sadly put it, "I had a pathetic attempt at it. It didn't work. I failed to avert Meghan because of Markle." But I bet he's loving sharing this tea now! Word on the street is that Meghan was less than pleased when she found out about Boris' little chat. Apparently she warned him to watch his back if he ever tried to "snatch Harry away" again. Really Megan? He's a grown man, not a purse you left at Nando's! What's next, is the Queen's corgi running for office?
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Which brings me to the real victims in all this - the British public. We've had to watch as one of our beloved princes, a man who once served this country with such pride, was slowly pulled away from his duties. All so Meghan could play at being a royal while having her cake and eating it too. It's heartbreaking! I remember when Harry was always good for a laugh, a supportive brother to William. Now look at him - living in LA, making documentaries about how hard his life is. Some of us have real problems!
And don't even get me started on how they've treated the rest of the family. The Queen, God rest her soul, had to deal with this nonsense in her final years. And apparently, according to Boris, she was suffering from bone cancer the whole time! Charles has had to navigate this minefield of drama in what should have been a joyous time. But you know who has handled it all with the most grace? William and Kate, the epitome of what royalty should be - dignified, dedicated, and working hard for their country.
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While Megan and Harry have been off trashing the royal family to any outlet that will listen, Will and Kate have kept their heads held high and carried on with class. In this weather! How does Kate always look perfect? Surely there must be some witchcraft involved. Now I know some of you might think I'm being too harsh, but really - these two have caused more drama for the royals than an entire Shakespeare festival! What's worse, they've treated the rest of the family abysmally.
It's just sad all around. Harry had the potential to do so much good with the Invictus Games. And Meghan, if she had embraced her role, could have been a force for change. Instead they chose the easy way out and now they're stuck in limbo - not quite royals but not real celebrities either. A weird middle ground. I almost feel sorry for them at this point. What do they really have besides their big houses and Netflix deals, at the cost of alienating their own family?
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Though Boris Johnson may not be everyone's cup of tea, you've got to admire his spunk. And the irony of him, of all people, giving relationship advice! In the end, it's just a sad situation all around. The royals used to be a symbol of stability, now they're tabloid fodder. But William, Kate, and King Charles will keep calm and carry on. So in the meantime, to Harry - wake up and look around at what you threw away! And to Meghan - threatening a former British prime minister? In this country? I'd save my breath if I were you. Keep calm and carry on, everyone! Cheerio for now.
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